5 Word Challenge: What's in a Name?

Barnabus Bainbridge the Sixth was not a happy man.  Then again, not many individuals saddled with such a name would be jovial, even under the best of circumstances.

Coming from a long line of Bainbridges, Barnabus could not even resort to shortening his moniker or adopting a nickname for fear of the scandal it would create in the old-money community.  It was hard to believe that they could be so concerned over something as little as a name, but had he introduced himself, even once, as Barney, all idle chat at the country club for the next six weeks would have revolved around his "uncouth nature".  The gossip circuit was the least of the problems he would face, however; his business connections would disappear into smoke, the light of his life would leave him for a Rufus Vanderbilt or a Matthias Perriwinkle, and even his lawyers - yes, the ones he himself employed! - would be whipped into a frenzy over his outrageous insult to the ancient family name.

So night after night, Barnabus Bainbridge the Sixth would recline in his king-sized bed, one small pillow propped under his left side to aid his body in the digestion of the sumptuous dinner he had just supped upon.  He would stare at the ceiling, fervently praying for a solution to his unhappiness, freedom from the chains he had been born into.  "If only...," he murmured. "If only...I was poor.....things would be so...different...."