1 post tagged “bad ideas”

Last night, I had a dream.

No, not the MLK dream.  I never get that inspirational in my dreams.  Usually, I'm the main hero (spy, superhero, regular joe in a set of dangerous circumstances, etc) who has to do something to save the girl/day/world.  Usually I manage to do it.  But I digress, my dream wasn't about this, either.

Barber-pole

Last night, I had a dream that I opened a new business.  A combination barber shop and strip club.

Before you give me strange looks, it seemed perfectly natural in the dream.  I can't remember the details, but business was booming and I remember sitting behind a desk, smoking a cigar and counting stacks of cash in a manner reminiscent of Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard.

Now, a barber shop/strip club may seem like a good idea on the surface, but let's examine the pros and cons more closely:

Pole-dancer

1 comment

1. There's finally an actual use for that barber pole
2. Gives scumbags a great excuse when they get home - "Sorry honey, just got a haircut, let me go take a shower and get these little hairs off me [and conveniently wash away any traces of cigarette smoke and/or stripper perfume, heh heh heh]"
3. You can coin all sorts of new phrases, like:
1. "Shave and a lapdance, two bucks."
2. "Buzz me, baby."
3. "There is NO SEX in the shampoo room!" (with apologies to Chris Rock)

1. Cut hair and stripper glitter do not mix.  I have a sneaking suspicion the dancers would end up looking like female versions of Teen Wolf (Jason Bateman version, not Michael J. Fox version)
2. The buzz of electric clippers in the background really cuts down on the erotic appeal of someone gyrating to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
3. The phrase "Hey baby, do you want a barber-chair dance?" just doesn't sound right
4. The stylists and the strippers fight over who gets the tip
5. In a traditional barber shop, you can be reasonably certain that someone isn't going to come after your genitals with a pair of extra sharp scissors.  Add drunken, surly men and disgruntled dancers to the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster.